I’m usually not very enthusiastic to comment on trending news on social media.
But the #keepthechangebae trend did get my attention and got me thinking about the kind of young men growing up in my generation.
While it is easy to gloss over the issue, laugh or commend the lady for not condoning rash behaviour, a sober observation remains that such unspoken sentiments are in the hearts of many young men.
Before I get nailed to the cross, just listen to typical Nigerian hit songs on our local radio stations or watch Nigerian music video and you will perceive that this belief is mainstream and has lost its shock value simply because it is wrapped in dance-able rhythm.
In context, this incident is just a social media display of a prevalent pop psychology of “money for hand, back for ground”.
Essentially, the belief is that nothing goes for nothing. It is even considered a sign of folly or being taken advantage of in the players club to spend money on a lady without exchange of sexual favours or romantic interest.
I wrote an article in 2014 encouraging young men to support women in exploring their minds and not their bodies.
I gave a definite challenge to young men out there to be the kind of men who uncovers a woman’s potential, supports her growth in virtue and helps her cultivate her mind.
I feel the need to speak up again because the cult of misguided manliness continue to grow in membership and the evidence is in the objectification of women, the assertion of right to sexual or romantic favours over a date or show of kindness.
I assert that a date, a gift or favour done for a romantic interest or any lady for that matter is not an automatic ticket to love or a compulsion to reciprocate interest or receive sexual favours. It is the height of immaturity to harbour such beliefs.
I want to implore guys to break out of social scripts that are not based on respect and value for the dignity of the opposite sex. Because it is is prevalent doesn’t mean it is acceptable.
I also encourage the ladies to resist such social scripts or any sign of it. While I don’t encourage ladies to take advantage of a man, whatever a man does for you in pursuit of romantic relationship is his prerogative and it is your prerogative to turn down favours you are not willing to reciprocate.
Paying for a date or showering you with gifts shouldn’t earn your heart until you are sure he deserves it.
More importantly, I recommend he proves he is deserving of you by impressing you with who he is (his character, personality and values) and not just his means.
Of course, his generosity is also a proof of love. Nobody can genuinely love and not give.
True love gives without ulterior motives and selfish interest. It gives time, attention and even self (the most expensive of all gifts we can give to another human).
True love will bring out the best in you, only wants what is best for you, respect you even when it’s own hopes or desires are not gratified.
So next time, a brother comes around expecting the world because he extended a favour or took you out on a date, clearly let him know he needs to earn your heart through other means. And if he is acting up, refund him with some change or reciprocate the favour so you are even. Basically, call his bluff.
A woman’s heart is not a pearl to be cheaply cast before swines.
One more thought!
Adults should please get their acts together and stop the tweeter rants and instagram BS. It’s not matured to bring your relationship issues and hang-ups to social media. Please spare us.
Image credit: Google images